When life stands in the face of death, who wins?

What my grandma’s terminal illness taught me…

We recently found out that my grandmother (my dadi) is suffering from a terminal disease at its last stage. Yes, the beaming soul that was seen actively strolling around the house or in the kitchen garden where she grew organic veggies is now bedridden. Shocked and appalled at the unprecedented diagnosis, we decided to look for the best treatment for her.

What do you do when the person you look up to as The Saviour (the doc) tells you that there is no hope left and that it is better to look after her at home - give her enough love & care as her body won’t be able to recover from the operation?

Dadi has somehow turned into a stick in just a week. I can imagine how painful it must be for her. How and why it happened are two constants we keep questioning now but to no avail. Clearly, we are helpless.

“Money, fame & power hold no value when confronted by death.”

In just a week of trying to find out the problem, look for the best treatment, and accept that we are helpless, I learned some crucial life-lessons:

Get over denial mode. Acceptance is the key.

The way my dad and his siblings accepted the reality has hit me hard. How tough it must be for the children to fathom the fact that despite having all the resources, they are helpless in alleviating their mother’s pain?

The other day, my dad was talking to my bua and chachu (his siblings) about how to go about the situation. While their fear of losing their mother was quite palpable in their voices, their determination to give her as much love and care was clear. One major factor affecting this decision might be the past experience that they had with my grandpa. My dadaji too had the same terminal illness and we all saw him suffer. Though his treatment went on for 5 years until his demise, the whole process of hospitalization and treatments was not just physically but mentally exhausting too (for him as a patient). Certainly, they do not want their ma to go through the same trauma. Never in my life have I seen someone accept this heartbreaking reality with such poise.

Raise the bar higher. Get selfish by being selfless

We have accepted that with life comes death, and as much as we want to hold my dadi, better to give control to life and death together.

Love is like sand - the more you try to hold it, the faster it slips.

Sometimes just in order to let the person we love be happy, we have to be selfless by letting go… I can sense how selfish we are by being selfless! Ironical, but true.

And finally, who wins?

None but the love of life for death...